And All The Roads That Lead To You Were Winding
by exasperationation
Summary: "I'm sorry but I don't really care what anyone thinks, I wanna hang with you."Lukas stopped in his tracks and turned his face up to Mathias. "Are you serious? Why?"Mathias shrugged and grinned. "Why not?" - Lukas life never was easy, and an adorably annoying Dane sure wasn't going to make it easier. Was Mathias going to be his saviour or his doom?
1. Chapter 1

_**Nobody loves an underdog, except that Dane.**_

He was walking, as always. Sauntering through the school, the sun filtering in through the tainted, gigantic windows in the narrow corridor. Silence roamed up here, only a few people went to these parts of the school. The school was very old, and had the looks of a gothic castle, so it had many corridors and many rooms to get lost in. Lukas, however, knew his way around all of them.

He closed his eyes briefly, taking in the tranquil, familiar atmosphere. The sudden appearance of a clothed chest hitting his nose and an unfamiliar accented voice was however not very expected.

"What the...?"

He jumped, screamed – quite high-pitched as well - and dropped all of his papers and books, leaving them scattered all over the cold stone floor. Flustered and embarrassed, he turned up and faced the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Alright, what a cliché, but really, that's exactly how it was. He was tall and classically handsome, with wild, golden hair and even wilder blue eyes. He was simply gorgeous. Lukas quickly shook of his somewhat shocked expression, and went back to his usual vacant look that was better with hiding emotions.

"Watch where you're going."

"Well…" his accent was strong even in just one word. He sounded Scandinavian. "Maybe you shouldn't go walking around with your eyes closed either." He said with humour in his voice, flashing him a grin. Lukas felt his cheeks redden, and averted his eyes.

"I wasn't having my eyes closed." He snapped back, glad to have gotten rid of most of his own accent about a year ago. Or, well, learnt how to hide it better. "I merely blinked and you happened to be in my way. Who are you anyway?"

The question was thought to be rhetorical, but the boy didn't seem to notice or he just didn't care. "I'm Mathias! Nice to meet you! I'm new here, senior year. And you?"

Lukas watched him for half a second before replying, wondering exactly how oblivious this guy could be. He was quite certain his face did not bear that "I-really-love-to-chitchat"-look. "I'm Lukas, if you must know. Junior." He almost felt ashamed to admit that last part somehow, he did not really know why. It was kind of like trying to make new friends in kindergarten, but failing since you were considered too young to be any fun. Not that he had planned on befriending this guy anyway, but still. He picked up the last of his books and papers and turned on his heels while speaking.

"Well, I'm off. Have a nice day." He left before Mathias could answer him.

Wait. Had he just wished him a nice day? He never wished anyone a nice day, not even himself. Barely his own brother, who he cared for most of all in the world. He just wasn't the type of guy that would wish anyone a nice day. Two and a half rough years of high school had definitely sorted that out for him.

He used to be happy, once. He used to be normal. He used to be just like any other guy. But then came high school. Everything, every little fact about himself he thought was true had suddenly become false. Instead of standing steady on the ground he felt like he was constantly keeping himself from drowning in a black ocean of emotions, angst, hate and self-betrayal. Every day was a struggle, and hiding away made it easier. Not meeting new people made it easier. He hated introducing himself, because honestly, who was he? He had no clue, so how could he ever tell anyone else? He had considered talking to the school's therapist, but had given up the idea a long time ago. What could she do anyway that he couldn't do himself?

He walked to the library almost unconsciously, he knew the way there by heart. That's where he spent most of his hours in school, residing behind a good book or just strolling along between the shelves with endless rows of literature. However, right now he realised with a quick glance at his watch he could not stay there for long. He had science class in only ten minutes. He went in to return some books, said hello to the friendly librarian, and went back out again. Reluctantly he steered his steps towards the location of his locker, knowing what awaited him. _People_.

-x-X-x-

After an astoundingly calm session of taunts and light pushes, which always occurred whenever some of his tormentors got to him, he sat down at his place in the back of the small, scarcely decorated science-classroom. Luckily, none of those losers took this class.

One minute till the class starts. Tick tack. Thirty seconds. Precisely five seconds before the time was up, and the teacher was about to close the door, someone rushed in through it like a wild autumn wind. Lukas jumped slightly in his seat.

"Sorry I'm late! So sorry! I just had trouble finding the uh… uhm the… the classroom!"

Trouble finding his words as well, Lukas thought dryly as he watched none other than that boy he had bumped into earlier make his way to the teacher who had gone back to her place at the front of the classroom. The teacher nodded understandingly with a sympathetic smile, and gazed quickly over the students in the room.

"Hmm, well let me see here… Mathias Køhler, is that right? Yes? You could sit next to Lukas Bondevik, just down there."

Mathias face lit up as he searched the classroom and his eyes found Lukas. Lukas sighed and rolled his eyes at Mathias' ridiculously satisfied smile, secretly scared of the mischievous blush that threatened to appear any moment. A short moment later, Mathias dropped his things heavily on the seat next to Lukas' and sat down clumsily. Lukas sighed once again, and Mathias whispered a 'sorry', so quiet Lukas was not sure if he even were meant to hear it.

Nevertheless, the lesson went on, even if Lukas felt both terrific and terrified by the thought of Mathias so close to him. When their fingers accidentally brushed against each other while they were pushing the microscope between them, he was dead sure he couldn't stand this anymore. What was with him?! He needed some air.

Thankfully, only moments after, the bell rang and class ended. He quickly gathered his things and left, but unfortunately not quickly enough for Mathias to lose trail on him.

"Hey, wait up! Lukas, wait for me!"

Lukas stopped briefly, automatically at the mention of his name, and turned to Mathias who stopped beside him. He looked at him as if he was waiting for Lukas to say something, so he cleared his throat, trying to think.

"Don't yell my name like your life depended on it. Also, keep your voice down, especially when you're saying my name out loud, alright?" Seriously? Was that the best he could say? Not even five minutes into a conversation with newbie, and he was already making a fool out of himself.

"Why not? Don't you like it?" he sounded surprised. He had probably never been bullied ever in his life. At best, he might know the meaning of the word "bully".

"Just a friendly advice. You don't want people thinking you're friends with me, especially not if you're new here." he really tried to speak like he meant it, but deep inside he yearned for a friend too much. This was too unlike him. He started walking again, and to his utter frustration he was followed again, instantly.

"Hm, really? That sounds stupid." Lukas simply snorted, very unamused. "I'm sorry but I don't really care what anyone thinks, I wanna hang with you."

Lukas stopped dead in his tracks and turned his face up to Mathias, who had nearly bumped into his back. "Are you serious? Why?"

Mathias shrugged and grinned at him, a damn brilliant smile. "Why not?"

Lukas watched him sceptically for a moment, narrowing his eyes, before he started walking again. "Hm, fine then. It's your choice then, I guess."

"Awesome!" Mathias whole being lit up with satisfaction as he strolled next to Lukas out to the vast lawns surrounding the school. Lukas was almost impressed by himself. He never went out during the long breaks.

They walked to a tree, a bit off from the school. You could see the whole school from here, even the Lukas simply sat in the grass, leaning on the tree trunk. Mathias pulled off his school sweater leaving him in a wrinkly shirt and a badly tied tie with the schools emblem on. He laid down in the grass, stretching out into his full length, his belly showing briefly before he put his arms under his head. He was really tall, and Lukas felt so much smaller than he actually was. A long amount of surprisingly comfortable silence passed before Mathias eventually spoke.

"So, where are you from? Anywhere around here? You don't look typically American, no offence."

Lukas turned his gaze down to the boy in the grass, thinking through his words for a moment before speaking them. He certainly wasn't going to embarrass himself anymore for today.

"None taken. I'm from Norway, originally. I moved here from Iceland seven years ago with my family. Lived here ever since."

"That's funny, I'm from Denmark! Moved here only a month ago actually. Dad got work here and I had to change schools." Lukas found it fascinating how Mathias could be so interested in such an insignificant fact that they both originated from Scandinavia. He also wanted to ask why he had to change schools, but refrained to, due to the sudden troubled look on Mathias face. Maybe he didn't want to tell. Maybe Lukas wasn't really all that interested.

"So, Iceland? How long did you live there? And why?"

"I and my dad moved there with his new wife when I was six. My parents divorced when I was four. After living in Iceland four years, we all moved here with my baby brother."

Lukas forced himself to shut up. Why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut? He had never told anyone this much about himself. It seemed as if the mere presence of this strange Dane made him more open hearted. Lukas was unsure of whether that was a good thing or not.

"Interesting! Can you speak any Icelandic?"

"Not really, only a few, pretty useless phrases and words." To be honest he hadn't really been bothered to learn much since he was placed in a school adapted to foreigners where they seldom spoke Icelandic, and he didn't have enough friends to leave the house very often. He wasn't particularly fond of his stepmother and even though he loved his brother to death he didn't know much either considering he had only been four when they left the country, heading for America.

"Can you teach me Norwegian?"

"Why on earth would I do that? I've heard Norwegian and Danish are practically the same languages anyway. We'd be wasting our time since we probably understand each other without practise." He sighed inwardly. Was he serious?

"Oh, come on! Norwegian sounds much more beautiful than Danish, you've got to admit that." He laughed slightly, not really waiting for a reaction from Lukas. "Anyway, I must say your English is good. I can barely hear any accent. Mine's too obvious, I hate it."

"You shouldn't." Lukas bit his lip. He did not mean to say that out loud. Fuck it.

But to his relief, Mathias only snorted half amusedly. More silence passed before Mathias eventually broke it again, not very much to his surprise.

"So my accent's not all that bad, huh?" he sat up and laughed, an irritatingly handsome grin spread all over his face.

"I did not say that." Lukas excused himself, looking at his watch and observing he should be going back. "Class starts soon."

"Ah, well this was fun while it lasted. We should do it again some time!" He stood, stretching his arms above his head as he walked up next to Lukas. "What are you having now?"

"History." The Norwegian answered simply, ignoring that first part.

"Oh, I wish I had that too! I have maths."

"How terribly boring for you." Lukas replied, expressionless. However, this did not seem to break Mathias mood down. How was that even possible? There was after all a very good reason Lukas had no friends. Frustrated, he didn't even notice when they reached the school building.

"Well, I'll see you around. Have fun in history!"

Lukas turned just in time to see Mathias disappear down the corridor, not really knowing how to respond anyway he was glad he didn't have to do it. He felt a sort of strange warmth in his chest, and wondered if this was what it felt like having friends. He had never really had any, so he was fairly unsure. He decided not to dwell on it as he turned into another corridor, a shortcut to the classroom he was expected in.

-x-X-x-

The weeks continued on just like that, Mathias hanging around him every free minute like a fly around leftovers. He met him at his locker whenever he had breaks, he came to find him in the library to drag him out on endless and countless adventures. Whether it was a trip to the cafeteria, a walk through school or when they just walked out to that old tree, Mathias was always sickly enthusiastic. Lukas found himself rather fond of this behaviour after some time, surprising himself when he first thought of it.

Eventually, they hung out after school as well. They never went home to any of them, but they went to various other places in town. Mathias was new in town, hence the endless tours he demanded Lukas to give him. And always that adorable enthusiasm, never faltering. Whether they were running from angry seagulls at the bay or buying cheap ice cream from a snarky salesman downtown, Lukas always managed to put a smile on Mathias' lips.

-x-X-x-

It was Friday, and Lukas felt delighted. It was soon weekend, and he secretly hoped for Mathias to come up with something they could do together. The mere thought of a weekend spent with Mathias almost put a smile on his lips as he walked through school, heading for science class.

The attack came over him so suddenly, and he felt his adrenaline rate race from zero to hundred in a matter of milliseconds. A fist in the face, appearing form nowhere, knocking him to the ground, leaving him with black and blue spots dancing before his eyes while he tried to get up. The sound of laughing and whooping boys surrounded him, and perhaps some gloating, malicious girls giggling in the background. He fought to regain his normally perfect vision, to stand, to stop his brain from spinning. Instead he received a kick in the shins.

"Not so fucking cool anymore, huh?"

"Die, bug!"

"You ugly little shit."

"You should stay away from that new kid!"

"Kick him again!"

"Yeah, leave Mathias alone! He doesn't need _your_ help finding friends!"

"Especially since you haven't even got any of your own."

"You're disgusting!"

"Fuck off from this school."

"Freak!"

"Creep!"

"Faggot!"

Lukas gave up fighting against it. The cruel words practically raining over him and the kicks landing harshly all over him was too much. It all hurt too much. He put his arms around his head, and slowly tried to crawl away blindly, not daring to open his eyes. He lost track of time and the laughter eventually died. He crawled into a corner next by some lockers, behind a large trashcan. He did not want to be seen. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to die.

…_I don't really care what anyone thinks, I wanna hang with you. _

Mathias words echoed pointlessly in his head for an inexplicable reason. What if they got to him too? Lukas was sure, in that moment, that most possibly he had already ruined the life for the poor Dane. He hated himself, he hated the world, he simply felt hate. His vision was blurry and his whole body hurt immensely. He collapsed against the wall, tired of fighting. He slowly closed his eyes. Slowly closed out the reality. He was almost certain he was dreaming when faint footsteps broke through the blackness embracing him, and he almost imagined someone calling his name in a strong accent.

-x-X-x-

"… no, I found him like this behind a trashcan… looked like I was almost too late… I can't even dare to think what could've happened if I… he's all mashed up…"

The words came out faltering and weak as Mathias tried his best to describe the terrible state he had found his new and only friend in. Coming out of English class, walking aimlessly around the school corridors, suddenly noticing a lone shoe laying in the middle of the hall. He had immediately recognized the plain, black sneaker.

Mathias put his head in his hands, sighing. "I'm sorry… I… _Jeg kan ikke_." He winced as his native language sneakily slipped out in this weak state of his. "Sorry. Just, please give me a moment."

"Of course." The kind nurse patted his shoulder gently before leaving him alone in the corridor outside the room where Lukas laid. A moment later she returned. Mathias looked up, hoping for even the slightest piece of useful information. He was lucky.

"He is going to be just fine. He's battered and bruised, but no broken bones. Slight concussion. A weeks' rest and he'll be alright." The look in her eyes turned sympathetic. "He's awake now if you want to go see him."

Mathias thanked and stood up, hesitating as the nurse left down the corridor. He chose to let his heart choose for him instead of his head, leaving him with only one option. He sighed half-heartedly and swung open the door.

There was a chair next to the bed where Lukas laid. He went to it and sat, watching Lukas who was barely in a state which could be called awake. He breathed heavily, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm, his eyes only opening just enough to register who came in. His left cheek was turning purple and the eye on the same side was puffy and shifting in blue. One of the arms hanging out from the covers revealed even more horrifying bruises and scratches. Mathias felt a wave of anger at the sight, who the hell would do such a thing? He clenched his fists as he suddenly recalled an unpleasant conversation from the maths. He didn't remember all of it, he had tried hard to not listen. But, of course, he couldn't avoid hearing parts of it. And he certainly hadn't liked what he heard.

Some boys in his age had been speaking about someone they were going to beat up. They said things implying he had done something wrong, 'gone too far' and 'crossed a line'. They called him horrible things such as 'the little creep', 'fucking idiot', 'faggot' and so on. It took Mathias only seconds to understand who they were talking about once they mentioned he had 'engaged himself' with the new kid. They were talking about Lukas. Mathias thought he was going to be sick.

If only he had stopped them there and then, told them to go fuck themselves and to leave Lukas alone, would it have made any difference? Or would Mathias have ended up too behind a trashcan, battered and bruised? He refused to think that way, but what if… He felt so bad. To him, Lukas was so small. So fragile. And now he lay here wounded, hurt. Was it Mathias' fault? Of course it was. Somehow, indirectly, directly, whatever. He could've done something. How could he even have the dignity to sit here next to him, nearly sobbing? He didn't even notice the hot tears until it was too late to cover them up.

"_Helvede_…"

He rose from his chair, stormed out the room without a single glance back at Lukas. What a fool he was indeed.

He went home, faster than any time ever before. His mom wasn't home, nor his dad, and he laughed humourlessly. Of course they weren't home. All they ever did was working. Working all day and sometimes nights, not seeing anything of the dark secrets their son hid behind their backs. He walked determinedly over to dad's liquor cabinet. Breaking it up as smoothly as ever, bringing out just any random bottle. Maybe his dad knew, but just didn't care. Maybe he let him drink his sorrows away. Maybe he deserved it.

This habit had been going on for far too long, but he couldn't really find a way to stop it. Whenever times got too hard to handle, the alcohol was always there to help him, enveloping him in a painless bliss, if only for a moment to take away the hurt and pain. He was technically an adult now, but it still felt just as bad. It still felt like three years ago, the first time that sixteen year old, miserable boy used alcohol as his painkiller. His life sucked considerably, and he was aware of it. Moving from Denmark to America hadn't really changed much, he was still just as miserable. Still just as vulnerable. Still always in the wrong, making all the wrong choices.

Too young, too precious to be treated that way, they had said. But if they only knew the dark beehive of emotions which hid behind his 'too handsome', beaten face.

Half a bottle left, he couldn't take it anymore. He never did like whiskey anyway, and he felt disgusted by himself. Barely managing to put the bottle back just as smoothly as before, he wobbled over to his bedroom. He crashed onto the bed, his mother would just believe he was tired and took a nap. She would never smell the alcohol on his breath. She would never notice the missing liquor from the cabinet. Nor would his father. They just would never see.

"I need to get my fucking life sorted up…" he mumbled to himself, muffled by the pillow he buried his face in. "And leave poor Lukas alone."

-x-X-x-

_Jeg kan ikke = _Danish for "I can't".

_Helvede = _Danish for "Hell/Fuck"


	2. Chapter 2

**Yeah... I'm posting chapter two 10 minutes after chapter 1...**

**Well, suck it up owlings because here's chapter two of my beautifully depressing DenNor fic! Hope you'll enjoy this, it's rather emotionally messy and changes point of view a lot, but I'm sure you'll all get it. **

**Please Read &amp; Review! **

* * *

_**2\. It **__**seemed as if live had brightened up, to be honest. Of course it had to fuck up utterly.**_

_**Is it too late to repair my mistakes?**_

Not even Mathias spoke to him these days. After his abuse for a week ago, people had taken a distance to him. Not that he actually minded, he was mostly just irritated on the fact everyone seemed to know about it. Of course, he should've seen it coming. Of course the tormentors would be bragging all about it when no teachers were around. He sighed as he picked up his tray with food, wandering off to a remote table in the far end of the cafeteria. That's where he usually sat, and the seat was never taken. People probably thought they'd catch a disease from sitting there. Somehow, he felt quite delighted about the fact that most people were just scared of him. He could definitely deal with that. The only hard part of being an outcast was, of course, the bullies. But he guessed he just had to deal with them as well.

He saw Mathias sit down next to some of the more friendly jocks. Under the duration of this last week he had watched Mathias sit at nearly every table in this cafeteria. He always looked just as lost. And he never even did as much as throw a glance at Lukas. Well, at least not noticeably.

At least he had so far refrained from sitting at the same table as Lukas' bullies. He was glad about that, for whatever it meant. Either Mathias still thought of him, or he just hadn't thought of it yet. Still, the days felt longer and greyer without him, compared to the sunny days he had spent with him over the past weeks. He couldn't help wondering if he had done anything wrong, and if so what. Oh, he had probably just scared him off. Or he had heard rumours, and changed his mind about Lukas. He really couldn't help himself from overthinking.

-x-X-x-

He was deep in his thoughts while crossing the parking lot, on his way to his bike standing awkwardly parked at the far end next to the richer students' Porsches. He kept his head down, mumbling incoherent insults to the douchebags he passed on the parking lot, effectively avoiding walking past his bullies. He only stopped when he bumped into someone. Damn it, he did not need this again. He turned up and swore inwardly at the sight of the man in front of him.

"You really should learn to watch where you're going." He snorted humorously.

Lukas did not find it funny. "Well you should learn not to stand in my way." Angrily he pushed Mathias out of the way and continued walking, intensively ignoring the blush spreading across his far too pale cheeks. He heard an extra pair of feet splash against the wet concrete behind him.

"I'm sorry Lukas. Please wait up for me."

Lukas continued walking, fuming and trying his best ignoring Mathias. He felt upset emotions build up like a tsunami-tide inside him, fighting hard to suppress it. However, the persistent Dane kept up with him too well. He finally stepped in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. Lukas simply looked at him.

"I just wanted to see how you are. Are you alright?"

The pure look of concern in Mathias' eyes burned even more when Lukas chose to ignore it. He replied flatly; "Yeah. Why do you wanna know anyway? Gonna go brag to all your little friends how you were brave enough to single-handedly speak to the dreaded and hated Lukas Bondevik?"

His upset tsunami-tide turned into a wave of fury as he continued, snapping at Mathias who were cut off trying to say something. "If you really cared about me, where were you last week? Where were you when I felt sick every day? Where were you when I got laughed at for being wobbly when I walked, since I still hadn't recovered fully from my concussion? Where were you when I got beaten to a pulp? Where were you then?" He paused to take a breath, averting his eyes, not standing the look of regret in Mathias' oh too lovely eyes. "Stop acting like you care about me, you don't. Stop acting like we're friends, we're not. If you were any smart at all you'd be gone now, like the rest. They all leave at some point, you just left earlier than usually. I thought you were different."

He bit his lip harshly. He did not mean to say those last words out loud. However, they didn't seem to have much effect on the situation. There was a moments silence before Mathias spoke. His broken voice hurt like a million daggers.

-x-X-x-

"Well then… I'm sorry to be causing you any trouble. I hope you'll be alright." He swallowed hard, pushing down his emotions, drowning them. "I'll just leave you then." He turned before waiting for an answer. He couldn't stand the coldness in Lukas' voice, like icicles hitting his skin. He couldn't stand the sudden, gigantic emptiness he felt in his heart. He couldn't stand the obvious rejection, the obvious loss of responding feelings. He couldn't stand loving Lukas.

He walked with slow, heavy steps back to his car. His shady, crappy old pickup truck he had gotten for his eighteenth birthday. None of that really mattered anymore. He might as well crash this pathetic excuse for a car in the closest tree along the roadside. He never really thought he would fall in love, and of course he had to go fall for the completely wrong guy. Lukas, perfect Lukas, who most probably hated his guts by now. Why couldn't he ever get anything right?

-x-X-x-

"Lukas? Is something wrong?"

Three light knocks on the door was heard, followed by silence. Lukas felt a little bad not even letting his brother in. He had already driven away both of his parents, after he threw his bike on the front yard, stormed into his room and locking the door. He had not accepted any of their offers about food, hugs, talk or whatsoever. He couldn't possibly focus on such things now.

He dried his tears, still sensing the presence of Emil, his younger brother outside the door. He cleared his throat before answering with a half broken voice.

"No, I just need to be alone for a while, Emil."

Silence.

"Alright. For how long do you think? Will you be out tomorrow?"

Lukas thought before answering. "I'm not sure Emil, but I'll try."

To be honest he never wanted to leave this room ever again. He never wanted to tell anyone what had happened, why he was crying, what was wrong. He never wanted to go to school again. He couldn't ever face Mathias again, not after what he had said.

"Okay, Lukas." The disappointment in his voice was so obvious it hurt. "I hope you'll get better till then."

He heard his faint footsteps fade away down the hall, and Lukas wondered briefly of the odds of ending life all alone. He found it highly probable.

However, he hadn't planned on dying today, only perhaps if he happened to drown in his own tears or choke on the dark emotions running through him like a wild tempest. He snorted bitterly at that, rising from his place on the bed, stretching out his aching legs which had been in the same position for a longer time than he dared to think of. He had no idea how long he had just sat on the bed, crying his heart out. Contemplating every syllable of the harsh words he had just spat on Mathias, analysing the memory of Mathias' devastated face. Thinking that now, **now**, he had surely fucked up utterly. He realised just now, too late, that Mathias had truly brought sunlight into Lukas' grey, emotionless world. And now it was too late, Lukas had lost it from being plain stupid.

-x-X-x-

The weekend came and went too fast, and Lukas tried his best to distract himself. He went out with Emil, read a whole book and baked copious amounts of cakes he later had no idea what to with. Monday came too fast. He wasn't ready yet, he felt quite honestly scared. He buttoned every button of his shirt with caution, tied his tie carefully, and made sure his sweater was clean and ironed perfectly. He brushed through his hair slowly before pulling his bangs back, putting them in place with his hairclip in shape of a Nordic cross. He looked himself in the mirror once more before leaving home, for the first time wondering if it was worth the effort.

He arrived early to school. Earlier than he ever had before, so he felt quite lost walking through the empty halls all by himself. As usual, he kept his gaze down, shut in his own mind. Well, at least he couldn't possibly bump into someone at this hour, especially not **him**. At least he thought so.

"Hey, watch it!"

Too late, he totally bumped into Mathias of course, not only scattering his papers all over the floor, but falling and became half buried in them. He felt like he was on the verge of having a mental breakdown. He just sighed, not attempting to stand but silently picking up some of the papers he was covered in.

The tension was pressuring, he could feel it like a thick blanket enveloping them both. Both wanted to speak, none of them did. He eventually stood, after watching Mathias collect some papers farther down the hall. When he turned back to Lukas, he had a stern look on his face.

"Here. I'm sorry I-"

"Thanks very much." He broke off coldly. "Don't need your apologies."

Lukas was definitely caught off guard. "But I-"

"Save it. I don't want to hear it, honestly."

Lukas cheeks burned, frustration filling him to the brim. "You don't even know what I'm going to say! What's even up with you, suddenly acting like you're all cool and better than me somehow?"

Mathias smiled a cold, bitter smile. "Well, who knows, maybe I am."

Lukas spat the words. "Excuse me? You really believe that? You really think you're so fucking cool, just because you got new friends? What the hell makes you think you're in any way better than me?" Lukas winced inwardly when he all too well knew he was being a rude little piece of shit. But he just couldn't let this one go.

"Well at least I'm not some fucking sociopath hiding away all days in the library behind a book. At least I have a life, like you obviously don't."

Mathias words cut deep and harsh into his soul, and he was for a moment unsure what to reply with. However, Lukas did what he mostly did in tough situations like this. He mended his melting, crushed heart with colder words.

"Oh, wow. I'm surprised you even know about such words as 'sociopath'. And be careful what you wish for, I mean, who knows how long my apparently non-existent life will go on? After all, what good does it make when no one cares enough to make the effort to acknowledge it?"

The words stung bitterly in his mouth as he turned and ran. He hadn't even noticed the tears running down his cheeks until now, and he dried them off with his sleeve irritated. He could hear Mathias call his name behind him, could hear feet hitting the cold stone floor as he apparently followed him. Lukas would not let him. He hastily turned left into a small shortcut towards the bathrooms. Oh, what a cliché, hiding in the bathrooms. But he really didn't have much of a choice.

He slammed the door to the small cubicle, locked it carefully and breathed out slightly. Unfortunately, the thoughts he had fought to suppress finally caught him in this brief moment of tranquillity. Why did Mathias cruel words hurt as much as they did? Did Lukas have feelings for this wonderfully annoying Dane? Of course not, he couldn't possibly. He was pretty sure the only feelings he felt for Mathias was betrayal, sadness and possibly hatred. He probably just confused his hate with love, they were both strong emotions. Although, like the old adage said, _you cannot hate something you've never loved_. Reluctantly, he sat down on the closed toilet. His head was spinning, he couldn't think clearly. He closed his eyes, but all he could see was Mathias. His bright grin, his wild hair and brilliant eyes. He thought about his stupid, **stupid**, words and it hurt so much.

"Oh for fuck sakes." He murmured and rose up, exiting the cubicle and walking towards the mirror. His words echoed emptily of the walls, and he felt a sudden loneliness envelop him. He had never felt so lonely in his whole life. He gripped the edge of the sink in front of him, closing his eyes shut, trying to stop the rising panic. He had possibly just lost his one chance in life of maybe being happy, for real. While standing here, watching his miserable face, he realised how much he really wanted Mathias to love him. He realised, there and then, how much he really and truly loved Mathias. Unbelievable as it may seem, he loved him. And it literally broke his heart knowing he had probably just lost his chance.

_I dreamed a dream. Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.*_

-x-X-x-

Lukas ran from the school's orderly room in a haste with a paper clenched in his hand. He had searched for Mathias all morning, ever since he made up his mind about apologizing, willing to beg on his knees to at least forgive him. But he was nowhere to be found, and Lukas was just about to panic and scream when a teacher told him Mathias had felt sick and gone home. Now he was holding a paper with the address to his home, not really sure about what the hell he was about to do, but he sure felt good about it.

He found the house in no time, only a few blocks away from his own home. It was a small house painted in red, and the driveway was empty except for the old truck that Lukas believed was Mathias'. He slowed down his steps as he reached the steps leading up to the front door. Sudden uncertainty struck him as he cautiously waked up the steps, trying not to make too much noise. Maybe he shouldn't have come? Maybe Mathias didn't want him here. He reached the door and stopped with his hand halfway on the doorbell. Well, damn it all, he loved him and Mathias deserved an apology. Who cared if Mathias wouldn't love him back even the slightest? Who cared if he would tell Lukas to just fuck off? He already considered his pretty much finished, so he decided to take the leap of faith and pushed the doorbell.

He silenced all of his movements, trying to listen for any signs of life inside the house. He heard shuffling footsteps, a moments silence and something that sounded suspiciously much like glass hitting glass. Like… bottles. He rang the doorbell again after a moment's silence. After a moment, Mathias' voice was heard, muffled by the door.

"Who's there?"

Lukas panicked slightly, unsure of whether it was a smart idea to answer. After a second he finally replied. "Lukas."

Silence. Some more shuffling. Lukas jumped when the lock of the door scrambled loudly and the door was pushed open. He almost lost his breath when he saw Mathias, who stood in the doorway, hair wilder than usual, his tie close to being untied and his shirt half open.

"Uhm, am I… coming at an, uh, bad time?" Lukas managed to choke out, desperately hoping Mathias hadn't got any company. He'd be mortified in letting someone else hear his apologies and confessions.

Mathias snorted humourlessly. "Depends on why you're here."

"I came to apologize and-"he paused looking around him slightly. "Can I come in?"

Mathias nodded, and Lukas carefully stepped in, trying not to make it too obvious he was searching the house for any sign of another person present in the house. Of course, Mathias noticed.

"I'm home alone, if that's what you're looking for." He spoke flatly, leading Lukas into what seemed to be his bedroom and sat down on his bed. He looked up at Lukas who stood at the door still, patting on the spot beside him, gesturing for him to sit down. Lukas reluctantly obliged. He wasn't sure he would stand to restrain himself, being that close to Mathias.

-x-X-x-

Lukas watched him unsurely before obliging his request, sitting down next to Mathias. Mathias felt a sting in his heart just looking at Lukas' flawless face. He swallowed, keeping a safe distance, hoping he wouldn't smell the alcohol on his breath. He honestly had no idea how much he had drunken since this morning, when he got home, crashed and fell from his disheartening heartbreak. He was honestly just happy to know Lukas was alive and alright, and having him here sitting next to him felt like a bliss, like a dream.

"Mathias I…" Lukas begun, seeming not sure of his words. "I want to apologize. For everything. For causing you distress, for being a bitch, for being plain rude. I'm sorry."

He paused and looked down, and Mathias breathed out in relief. He was just opening his mouth to answer when Lukas unexpectedly continued. He silenced immediately.

"I don't know what got into me neither last week nor this morning. Truth is, you **are **better than me. You're a better person than I'll ever be, and you were right about everything this morning." He bit his lips and practically whispered out the last words so that Mathias could barely hear them. He thought he was dreaming.

"… _og det er derfor jeg elsker deg_."

-x-X-x-

Lukas felt his whole face redden as he turned away from Mathias. He bit his lip harshly, he couldn't believe he had said it. He hoped Mathias hadn't heard it. He hoped he had heard it. He just wanted a reply, yet he was dead scared of getting the wrong one. He closed his eyes as he heard Mathias gasp next to him. He kept them shut tight, obstinately, until he felt Mathias hand on his. His eyes shot open and he turned to look at Mathias. He was close. Far too close. Yet, Lukas was frozen.

Mathias slowly took his hand and pulled him closer, a smile on his lips. His eyes sparkled and Lukas was unsure if he could take this anymore. He felt his breath slow down as they inched closer to each other. Mathias stopped with an appropriate distance between them. His smile never faltered, his hand felt hot against Lukas' and oh dear god he smelled so good.

"I never thought… I mean-"he gave a short nervous laugh which Lukas found himself loving more than life itself. "Am I dreaming Lukas?"

Lukas could only manage a faint whisper. "No." before he could stop himself, he had let himself be drawn even closer, now only mere inches from Mathias' face.

Mathias kept his eyes locked on Lukas'. "So… may I…?"

Lukas couldn't help it. He was tired of waiting. Tired of feeling lonely. "Absolutely."

-x-X-x-

Mathias was not sure who kissed first. Either it was Lukas, with a firm grip on Mathias tie, pulling him closer. Or, it might just have been Mathias himself, his hand securely placed on Lukas slender waist. Anyhow, it was the bets that had ever happened. He was definitely sure of it.

Lukas' lips on his, Lukas' one hand on his tie and the other one sliding up his arm. Lukas' scent and Lukas' mere presence. Mathias was in a bliss, he couldn't even in his wildest imaginations believe this was really happening. He pulled him closer, holding him to his heart, kissing everywhere he could reach. He could hear Lukas giggle softly underneath him when he kissed his nose. It was certainly the most beautiful sound in the world.

They kissed properly once again, this time slower, longer, more passionate. Lukas pulled away first, panting for air. Their eyes met, and they both fell silent. Mathias words got stuck as he watched the most beautiful thing ever to exist in the whole wide world look at him like he was the same to him.

-x-X-x-

Lukas breathed heavily, not really minding the weight of Mathias on top of him. He wasn't exactly sure when they had come to end up in this position, but he loved it too much to question. He was finally here, he had finally made something right. He was here, in Mathias' arms, and he felt like he had finally found home. He watched Mathias as he looked as if he struggled to speak, a small smile escaping his lips.

"Lukas I…" Mathias smiled back at him briefly, his eyes uncertain. "I don't know what to say, this is the best that's ever happened to me and I can't believe that we… I mean, you and me just… I'm just so-"

"Shh, stop talking so much." Lukas silenced him with a kiss. He felt satisfied, he had wanted to do that ever since he saw it in a movie once. Mathias kissed him back softly, breaking the kiss to finally find the right words.

"It's just that, _jeg elsker dig så meget Lukas, du førstår ikke_."

Lukas watched him and let just another smile slip out before replying. "I love you too, _min kjære_."

They sealed the words with more kisses, and Lukas felt all warm in his chest. He wondered if this was what happiness felt like, and with only one more glance at Mathias' brilliant eyes he knew it was.

-x-X-x-

_* Reference from the song "I dreamed a dream" _

_Og det er derfor jeg elsker deg = _Norwegian for "And that's why I love you."

_Jeg elsker dig så meget Lukas, du førstår ikke = _Danish for "I love you so much, Lukas, you don't understand."

_Min kjære _= Norwegian for my dear/my love."


End file.
